I’m a very curious person and anything that involves social critique completely captivates me. I enjoy watching documentaries, following ethos driven social network channels, and online articles on topics from climate change to indigenous people’s rights. I feel compelled in a way to incorporate whatever resonates with me but also overwhelmed because every day there are millions of things demanding my attention. So instead I internalize and attempt to make changes in my life, but it can be really difficult and I feel like I’m constantly falling short of the mark.
Seeing the worthiness of incorporating vegan food in my diet, attempting to meditate more often, reading up on social activism, keeping up with the Kardashians … I mean keeping up with “Kurrent” news, travelling, and analysing everything so as to make sure there is a benefit, takes the fun out of it. I really believe doing the right thing should be emotionally rewarding. I think it’s right to give myself some credit for starting to delve into that world whilst retaining that inquisitive compassionate spirit I have always had. It’s okay to not be the best, as long as you try your best and accepting that’s enough. Recognizing your right to peace is critical, no matter your performance.
I learned the battle is within; to focus not on getting your ducks in a row, or having organized everything, but to aggressively put yourself as number one. Aggressively not allowing yourself to feel bad about the juicy burger you had with the vegan cheese, or wince when you see the perfectly curated room with your overflowing laundry bag. My goal is to defend my downtime by acknowledging every time I see something great as beautiful in its own right, not judging my contribution to it. Giving oneself permission to have fun, be a voyeur and not over think, will lead me to being a happier person by affording me the chance to enjoy my curiosity. In this case curiosity most definitely shouldn’t be given a chance to kill the cat.